Beggars (Part II)

Soon enough the arguments set in. We failed to enjoy each other’s company, so I told her we were done, finished, no more. She cried, I cried, we cried, they cried, you cried, I cried. I was alone again, this was the way I liked it and there was nothing better. Being with her was better. I knew we wouldn’t work together, but it was just so difficult being apart, even though I couldn’t stand her, I needed her. I allowed myself to be enveloped in so many other things: music, art, poems, short stories, staying up late, and video games - anything I could do to seclude myself from the rest of the world. I was decaying inside my shell though, I couldn’t last. My parents were getting sick of me always being around, I’d lost the majority of my friends by not talking to them, and those who did stick around only agitated me with their constant focus on my isolation.

My eyes flew open, shooting stars and bright, flashing lights ran through, past and in my sight while screams, rumbling, and muffled all clogged my hearing while my head tapped against the window and the seat bounced up and down. The bus ride home.
“Do you mind if I sit here?” she asked, obviously quieting herself, noticing I was uninterested in my surroundings and had dazed off in the brief forty seconds I’d been sitting down.

Flip back to part one, paragraph five.

“Yeah,” I said flatly.

“Yeah, you mind or yeah, sit down?”

“What?”

“Can I sit?”

“Please.”

She sat down, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Are you always so happy?”

“Lately.”

“What happened?”

“She did.”

“Typical.”

“Very.”

I pulled my thick headphones around my ears, making a point to ignore her presence.
She shook her head and let her attention lie elsewhere, making a point to ignore my presence.

I think I nodded off at that point. I nodded off a lot. Nodded off. I was free when I nodded off. I was new when I nodded off. Everything was right. Nodding off. Make everything right. Nod off. Make everything new and cloudy and bring me to the other side where the grass is greener. Nod off. Nod off. Nod off.

Nudge.

Nod off.

Nudge.

Keep nodding off.

Nudge.

Freedom is always out of reach.

Nudge.

“Would you quit it!”

Those wide eyes glimmered in the clouded light. “This is your stop.”

I looked past her, out the window on the opposite side of the yellow aluminum tube. I said nothing and squeezed between her and the brown covered seat ahead. I continued up the aisle and down the steps. I walked further up the hill and stopped outside the front of the house. It wasn’t home. It was the house. I fell limp into the grass and lie there, staring up at the sky. Not staring, seeing. Not at, through. I fell limp into the grass and lie there, seeing through sky. I saw everything. Not everything, nothing. I saw nothing. Nothing was there. People look to the sky for answers and I saw nothing. There was nothing left for me. Not even a sign in the sky. Past the sky. Not even a sign past the sky. Why was I not worth a sign? I needed a sign. I wanted a sign in the sky. I wanted my sign past the sky.